I wish he was the one laying me ♥. I think he would never talk to me again if he knew how I felt. I am so sick of pretending. I'm still the same guy I've always been.------------------July 16thYesterday was the worst day/birthday of my life. I got drunk and kissed Matt. He won't return my calls or texts. I'm fucked. When school starts.....I feel like killing myself. Everyone is going to know. Brandon Mackinaw already asked me for a blowjob at work yesterday. I think he was serious too. I feel like crap.------------------July 19thMy mom and I had an argument last night. She called me a faggot and says that dad would be ashamed of me if he were alive. and that the guys on the force would not want to work with me so I could forget about becoming a cop.I have to go to work now. I'm going to try to ignore how everyone stares at me. I should never have gotten so drunk.------------------July 19th (PM)HE came into the store today, The whole place went quiet. You would think people would have. Besides I had to jack off. The adults now were at the pool with Nick and I was in the house’s bathroom alone. I looked again at that box of condoms, there were so many I didn’t think any one would notice, so I took one, and was playing with it when I heard a knock on the door. “I need to go pee again!” Nick said from the outside. How about that, the kid had come into here to play with his older cousin some more? My cock went from flaccid to full in two seconds, as I slipped the condom on. “It’s my turn now,” I said to Nick. I had put some hand lotion all over my condom, and I asked Nick to get down on his knees. He complied. “This might hurt at first,” I said, “but if it hurts too much let me know.”There was something strange about how much that kid knew about buttsex compared to me. After holding my fingers in his ass for five minutes, I finally put the head of my cock in. His hole wasn’t as tight as I’d thought it to be, of course this was one of my first couple of times so I had.
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